I FINISHED IT.
So, where we last left off, young Fetus Percy left camp and headed home for the school year (because you should never drop out of school in favor of monster-fighting courses, kids). Anyway, Sea of Monsters picks up at the beginning of summer, Percy's last day of 7th grade (babe is 13 now!). He is awoken from a terrible dream about his best friend, the BAMF Ninja Goat Grover Underwood, being chased by a monster through Florida and getting stuck in a bridal shop. Percy tells his mom, but soon realizes that Mama Sally is yet again lying and withholding information from him. She refuses to explain why, but she tells him he can't leave for camp the next day and basically shoves him out the door. Whatever, Salls.
Anyway, Percy gets to his "progressive" (read: WEIRD AS FUCK) middle school, where the teachers encourage mob mentality, violent gym courses, throw lab safety to the wind and spend apparently all year teaching Latitude and Longitude in case it might come in handy on a quest later. Kay? So anyway, Percy gets to school and we meet THE GREATEST CHILD TO EVER COME INTO CREATION, TYSON. Tyson is this precious, 6"7, vaguely 'special' BABY, and he and Percy are each others only friends. So then a bunch of meaningless to the actual plot arguing-with-bullies-to-establish-Percy's-character stuff happens. Then, a bunch of Cannibalistic Fire Giants from Canada try to murder Percy and his classmates during a session of dodge ball. Thanks, Canada. Fuck you too, I guess.
Percy manages to stay alive/protect his classmates. Tyson suddenly goes Eye-of-the-Tiger kung foo master on their asses, oh by the freaking way he's fire proof. Then, Annababe appears in a badass dramatic entrance via invisible giant slaughter, and while Percy gazes upon her battle-weathered beauty in awe, she beats up his school bully for good measure. Once again, cue Boss Ass Bitch playing in the background.
So Percy, Annababe and Tyson escape (after Percy manages to get blamed by school officials for the explosions). Annababe is being super rude to Tyson and Percy, being the defensive friend he is, is all like "Woah there future wife Imma need you to mellow those harsh vibes immediately" And Annababe does her signature I-hate-you eye roll and sigh. She then tells him she's been having dreams about the camp being in trouble, and decides to hail the Chariot of Damnation to take them to camp. The chariot, appearing to be some cross between a torture chamber and a New York Taxi cab, appears out of a pool of blood and rushes off, never dipping below, like, 120 miles. After a few moments of the torturous ride, Percy realizes Annababe has shoved them into a cab driven by the freaking GRAY SISTERS. Now, the thing about these three- They can see the future. And that's all cool and dandy, except if anyone pays attention to mythology, ANYONE WHO CAN SEE THE FUTURE MUST HAVE MASSIVE EYESIGHT PROBLEMS TO PREVENT THEM FROM BEING TOO POWERFUL. The three sisters aren't entirely blind, they have one eye. Altogether. The problem? THE ONE WITH THE EYE ISN'T THE ONE DRIVING THE CAR.
So, poor Percy was already fighting down a claustrophobic panic attack, and now his nerves are through the roof. Tyson is about to projectile vomit everywhere. Annababe is defending her decision to the death (which Percy feels is very near). Eventually, the sisters loose the damn eye and Percy threatens them with it- and they give him four numbers that are important to his future. They make it to camp alive.
...Only to find fire breathing golden bulls attacking the camp, Horse Ass fired and replaced by TANTALUS (why would the gods put him in charge of protecting their children SIGH) and Thalia's pine tree poisoned and quickly dying. After a few weeks of arguing with Tantalus, Percy gets a dream message from Grover
Apparently, Grover had been captured by the freaking Cyclops Polyphemus, who somehow got a hold of the Golden Fleece and has been using it to capture and devour satyrs for years. Why is Grover still alive? Because being the quick thinking BAMF he is, Grover shoved himself into a wedding dress, threw a veil over his face to take advantage of the Cyclops's poor eyesight, and convinced Polyphemus that he was a lady Cyclops. Genius plan, that worked, except the monster decided he must have Grover as his wife. Grover is trying to postpone said nuptials by weaving a long ass wedding train. Anyway, in the dream, he explains this all to Percy and Percy is like "Woah how are you actually doing this though like I be talking to you but you is awake on an island and I be asleep" and Grover is all "Well bro I really needed help because I'm not up for Cyclops sex. So I took my bro-no-homo-love for you and your bro-no-homo-love for me and did this big complicated (never explained) thing in the Spirit of Bromance and now our souls are bound together Percy we are ONE." Percy felt a tear run down his cheek "Bro..." he whispered lovingly. Grover just nodded in response. Percy started to wake up, but before he did, Grover called "OH btdubbs because of this if I die you die so I mean don't let me down bro love ya"
Percy was awake.
Percy told his dream to Annababe (with Tyson listening in but not fully understanding because he's literally like 3) (Btw Tyson is a Cyclops and a Son of Poseidon like Percy so they share a cabin and Tyson follows Percy everywhere like 'brother!' and it's so presh). Annababe agrees they need a quest to rescue Grover, but also the Golden Fleece might save the pine tree. The ask Tantalus and he's all like "No fuck you Imma send Clarisse on the quest" because HOMICIDAL DEAD PERSON WHO HATES CHILDREN LOGIC. So Percy and Annababe wallow in sadness, while Tyson is just said his big brother is sad (awwwwww).
Then, that night, as Percy sulks on the beach (because where else would a stereotypical son of the sea go?) The messenger god, Hermes, shows up and is like "YOOOO MAN JUST GO IMMA PACK YOU A BAG AND IMMA CALL YOUR FRIENDS YOU BE LEAVING NOW PERSEUS" (okay it was a lot more philosophical but that's what it boiled down to now shush). Percy wants to know why Hermes wants him to go so bad. Hermes reveals that the boat he wants Percy to hop contains Hot Luke, Hermes favorite son, and he wants Percy to talk Hot Luke out of being a psycho homicidal manic intent on destroying the gods. Sounds reasonable. So Hermes leaves, and Percy, Annababe and Tyson break out of the camp on FISH PONIES and make it to Hot Luke's ship. They crash in empty rooms for the night.
When they wake up, however, they realize that it is not a regular cruise ship, it's one filled with monsters and turned-evil demigods. Luke has the three captured and brought to his HQ in the captain quarters. They take in the decoration's, expensive rugs and leather furniture and sparkling decorations and a golden sarcophagus. Luke is decked out in stereotypical rich-douche-bag clothes, and when he smiles there's a twinkle in his teeth. It becomes clear immediately that Luke has stolen the stolen rights to the futuristic song Fancy and made it his own theme.
So, after a lot of flirting and taunting and generally being a douche face (and then more flirting), Luke looks at his bear-thing servants and is like "Yah kill these peasants." Annababe is heartbroken, because she still has sexual feelings for Hot Luke, but he told her that she's betrayed both him and Thalia and now he will never sleep with her when she's legal. (Which, in his mind, she'll never even become since he just sentenced her to death but w/e). However, since this story is about Percy and not Hot Luke, the three escape using a tiny life boat and a thermos of winds that Hermes gave to Percy.
They somehow get to Virgina because the gods are constantly yelling 'fuck logic!', and hide out in a tree-hut thing that Thalia, 14-year-old Hot Luke, and 7-year-old Annababe made together. Percy can see Annababe is upset and sends Tyson out to look for doughnuts. Percy and Annababe talk about Hot Luke and how Thalia and Percy are similar for a bit, until Tyson actually comes back with doughnuts. He sees no problem with this but Percabeth is like "wtf we're in the middle of the wilderness". They retrace Tyson's steps and find a monster doughnuts, which apparently is a chain of restuarants linked to the essence of a monster. Cool story, bro. Anyway, then a hydra appears and tries to kill them. They try to fight it, but Percy apparently has never seen Disney's Hercules because he STARTS CHOPPING OFF HEADS. NO PERCY NO. Anyway, just when they think it's all over, Clarisse appears in a Civil War boat manned by dead soldiers and blows the hydra into a million pieces. Yooooooo!
So they climb aboard Queen Clarisse's ship, and she says she'll keep them there as "guests", but they aren't allowed to help her and they've been expelled from camp for sneaking out. They go to bed, Percy has another nightmare, then wakes up to a morning filled with near death experiences. Queen Clarisse gets the idea to try and blow Charybdis into a million pieces, only that doesn't work to well. The crew ends up getting picked off one by one by Scylla. She grabs Percy, but he manages to get out of her grasp. As he's falling back toward the water, the boat explodes. He wakes up next to Annababe in a life boat, but she told him she didn't find anyone else and that Tyson must've died as he was in the engine room during the blast.
The two young lovebirds then wash up on the island home of C.C.'s Spa and Resort (deep breath. BABY REYNA). They are shown around the resort and then get to meet C.C. herself. She sends Annababe off to 'unlock her true potential' (which sounds vaguely 50 Shades of Gray "unlock your inner goddess" to me but w/e). She says Percy is so bad he needs her personal attention. She then spends a few moments pointing out all of Percy's flaws (which my low-self-esteemed babe really didn't need you bitch) and then tells him she can turn him into a "better him". She gives him a freaking milkshake or smoothie or something, and Percy, overcome by charmspeak and self hatred, drinks it. He then is over come with terrible pain and shrinks into a guinea pig. Just your average day, right? So then C.C. starts going on this "All men are pigs" rant and definitely animal-abuses this poor kid, then drops him in a cage with a bunch of thug guinea pigs that have been there for 300 years. Annababe reapers, showered and dressed in a silk gown, hair braided in gold (BY BABY REYNA), and covered in makeup. Percy, even though freaking out about being a guinea pig, can't help but admire her beauty/hate that she's in makeup. Annababe soon notices something is wrong and that Percy is missing, and C.C. reveals herself to be Circe, the queen feminist of Ancient Greece. However, she clearly hasn't changed her opinions about anything and Annababe is so not having that. She manages to out-feminism Circe and free Percy and the other men. However, the other men turn out to be fucking Blackbeard and his crew, and they ransack the island, stealing goods, killing the animals and raping the women (cries for baby Reyna). Percy and Annababe escape.
Next they encounter the Sirens, and Annababe wants to hear them to become wiser. Percy agrees, but she escapes and almost dies and Percy almost dies trying to save her and it turns into this huge mess that a bunch of fish are going to be gossiping about for years. Anyway, Annababe learns from the experience that her fatal flaw is Hubris (No, Percy, it's not the same as hummus.)
The Bae's finally get to the Cyclop's island. They climb up a treacherous hill mountain (where Percy learns what Annababe's sneaker tastes like), almost get eaten by flesh eating sheep, and manage to sneak up on the giant. They see Polyphemus (dressed in a baby blue kilt for his wedding day), Grover (still in the dress) and Clarisse ( who somehow survived the explosion and found her way to the island). As they watch, Polyphemus discovers that Grover is in fact a satyr, and becomes enraged. He decides to marry Clarisse instead. Grover is both relieved and insulted.
Percy and Annababe make a plan to sneak in and rescue their one and a half friends. They get in, and Annababe, invisible, taunts the monster by pretending to be Nobody. Percy sneaks off and frees Grover and Clarisse. Annababe gets knocked out so the three take on the monster themselves. They soon realizes it's futile, so they grab Annie and try to escape on the rob bridge/cut the rope bridge so the Cyclops can't follow them. This plan fails EPICALLY. Percy is overcome with rage and single handedly brings down the monster, but can't bring himself to kill it because he realizes they are both sons of Poseidon. The Cyclops takes advantage of this and almost kills Percy, but TYSON COMES TO THE RESCUE IN THE NICK OF TIME. Percy is relieved to see his baby brother is alive and well. Tyson grabs the golden fleece for them, and they put it on Annababe, saving her life. Polyphemus, however, is still not dead and tries to kill them again. They manage to escape to the ship (After Tyson establishes that he is a good Cyclops and never wants to be like the monster), however Clarisse gets too loud while gloating they one and Polyphemus hits the ship with a rock. The boat sinks, however the fish ponies return for a great rescue.
They take the group to Miami. Percy pools together enough money, then shoves Clarisse onto a plane with the fleece so she can return to camp and complete her quest. Percy, Annababe, Grover and Tyson are immediately captured by Hot Luke.
Hot Luke is very angry with Percy. He cuts his flirting down to only 50%! The two have a testosterone induced duel for a bit, and then Percy gets an Iris Message to Mr. D, proving to him Hot Luke's guilt. Percy then almost dies, but Horse Ass appears with his family of PARTY PONIES FOR AN EPIC RESCUE MISSION. They save the four friends and carry them all the way back to camp.
Once at camp, life returns to normal for a few weeks. Percy has a mini emotional break down because Tyson leaves to go study in the Cyclops forges and Percy epically misses his baby brother (awww).
Then, the Golden Fleece worked it's magic on the tree too damn well and now Thalia has been brought back to life. Weeeee.
- Okay! Finished my Sea of Monsters synopsis, hope someone in the world is actually reading this xD Now I mentioned that Sea of Monster's is my least favorite book in both series, and it is, but that doesn't mean it's not great. I'm not sure why it's not higher on my scale...Maybe because I think it moves almost too fast? Maybe because I missed Grover? Maybe because I felt like some of the monsters used were in there more for pizzazz more than actual plot importance? I don't know. To be fair, though, I've noticed that I dislike the second book in a lot of other series. There's only like one or two that are excluded. So maybe I'm just weird af. That's actually probably a more likely explanation.
Anyway, Sea of Monsters is still a great book. There's plenty of character development, relationship developments, and it's also great at furthering the plot of the rest of the series. On the Cyclops's island, there's a rope bridge from his cave to the outside world. I'd like to compare the book Sea of Monsters to that bridge. The Lighting Thief could have easily ended up being a stand-alone book. The job of Sea of Monsters was to connect us and get us to the rest of the series. It set up the over all plot very nicely, and still managed to be funny while doing it. So, of course I love Sea of Monsters! Everyone should read it or reread it at some point! I'm giving it a solid B+. :)
