Whoops

Hey remember that time my school did some weird stuff with the internet and I've been locked out of my own account for weeks? Yeah, awesome...

So I obviously finished the book.

What do I even do with my life now? xD


(Seriously though how do I blog without a specific purpose someone send help!)

THE BLOOD OF OLYMPUS

IT'S HERE.
IT'S HERE AND IT'S MINE.
I AM SO EXCITED BUT I CAN ALREADY TELL I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. MY LIFE IS NOW A DOWNWARD SPIRAL
(Also I'm very much aware I didn't do House of Hades but I've read that so much that it's completely fresh in my mind and I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS BOOK ANY LONGER SO DEAL WITH IT)

--------

- Jason hated being old.

Mother of God please don't let the opening sentence be foreshadowing.


-Why is this the shortest book in the series.

-PIPER MCQUEEN DEFEATING A FLOCK OF HARPIES ALL NY HERSELF

-JASON IS HAVING DREAMS ABOUT MAMA GRACE AND WAKING UP IN TEARS HELP ME

-Jason sweetheart can you please stop having Nico feels because you are giving me Nico feels and I HAVE ENOUGH OF THOSE ALREADY THANK YOU

-Now all he had was an old man's body, a stick, and two friends in slinky dresses.

This series continues it's reign of glory in the "Best Out of Context Sentences" Olympics.

-JASON.
JASON YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE MY FRIEND.

-"That Penelope was a hot little honey cake!"

Yeah...I'm sure that's how they phrased it in Ancient Greece...

-OH SHIT MICHEAL VARUS COMING TO FUCK SHIT UP

- OH FUCKING SHIT MAMA GRACE HAS ARRIVED YO

-I want to hug Jason very tightly right now THIS BOY NEEDS TO BE HUGGED

-JASON GRACE IF YOU COULD NOT GET STABBED THROUGH THE FUCKING HEART THAT'D BE AWESOME

-Piper caught his shoulders as he keeled sideways. "Whoa, Sparky. We need to contact the Argo II, get help."
"You haven't called me Sparky in a long time."
Piper kissed his forehead. "Stick with me and I'll insult you all you want."

Oh God my heart.

-Jason managed a weak smile. "At least it wasn't a head injury this time. I stayed conscious the whole fight."

This is an emotional scene I should not be laughing xD Oh, Jason. At least your skull is thick.

-REYNA POINT OF VIEW.
I DON'T THINK MY BODY IS READY.

-Oh my goodness the Athena Parthenos Trio is already a complete train wreck MY CHILDREN.

-MY QUEEN HAS MAGIC POWERS

-OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED IN ALBANIA I NEED TO KNOW

-Oh my God Reyna is getting sister feels for Nico mayday mayday MAYDAY

-Octavian you little shit.

-This little fucker Bryce is gonna cause a lot of shit I can feel it

-Octavian lost the ability to see the future lawl

-Hazel Levesque...that girl was something. As soon as Leo rejoined the crew in Malta, she'd known right away that Leo was hurting inside. The first chance she got, after all that mess in the House of Hades, she'd marched into Leo's cabin and said, "Spill."

HAZEL IS MY EVERYTHING OMG

-JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL I'M TOO OVERCOME WITH LEO AND CALYPSO FEELS OHMYGOD LEO IS PRECIOUS AND HE DESERVES TO FIND HER I SHOULDN'T FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS BUT I CAN LITERALLY HEAR MY HEART SQUEALING.

-After Coach Hedge left on his shadow-travel expedition, Leo had decided that his three-legged table could do just as good a job as their "adult chaperone". He had laminated Buford's tabletop with a magic scroll that projected a pint-sized holographic simulation of Coach Hedge. Mini-Hedge would stomp around on Buford's top, randomly saying things like "CUT THAT OUT!" "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" and the ever-popular "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

I JUST FELL OFF MY BED FROM LAUGHTER

-"Maybe that's the problem," Jason said. "If the goddess of victory is running rampant, torn between Greek and Roman, she might make it impossible to bring the two camps together."
"How?" Leo asked. "Start a flame war on Twitter?"

OH MY GOD.

-JASON AND PERCY ARE LITERALLY CALLING EACHOTHER BRO THIS IS WHAT WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED

-We now have cannon confirmation that both Percy and Leo watch Doctor Who. BLESS.

-UM UM UM THERE IS NOW WRITTEN CONFIRMATION THAT LEO WAS ABUSED BY HIS FOSTER FAMILIES SHIT NO MY BABY

-"Lady," he said, "could you fold your flappers, please? You're giving me a sunburn."

LEO THAT IS NOT HOW YOU ADDRESS AN ANCIENT GODDESS THAT HAS A SPEAR TRAINED ON YOU.

-"Oh, no!" Hazel wailed. "Popcorn! Our fatal weakness!"

This isn't a real book.

-PERCY JUST PROMISED LEO HE'D HELP HIM FIND CALYPSO THIS MAKES MY HEART SMILE

-Leo. Frank. Hazel. Percy.
My children.
It is one thing to literally kidnap a goddess.
But stuffing a sock in her mouth, duck taping her and threatening to let a horse eat her wings?
Guys.

-O God.
Oh my God.
NICO'S POINT OF VEIW.

-Nico and Clovis have a hidden bromance excuse me?

-"Getting some redecorating ideas?" Nico asked. "Maybe you could do your dining room in medieval monk skulls."
Hades arched an eyebrow. "I can never tell when you're joking."

Staaaaaahhhhhhhhpppp

-HADES KNOWS THAT NICO'S GAY, ACCEPTS IT, RESPECTS THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL READY TO TALK ABOUT IT, AND HE JUST WANTS NICO TO BE HAPPY.
GIVE THIS GOD AN AWARD CAUSE I'M CRYING.

-Hey, I'll get Percy to swim in the River Styx! He'll love me for that!

INHUMAN NOISES

-DID NICO JUST GET BIT BY A WEREWOLF??????? RICK NO

-PIPER GAVE FRANK A MAKEOVER I'M SCREAMING

-Why is the Hermes giant a mobster omg

-I just realized the giants are like the anti-fairies from Fairy Odd Parents.

-This is the Piper/Annabeth moment that so many slash shippers have waited for omg.

-NICO GOT RID OF HIS AVIATOR JACKET OMG NO

- T H A L I A

-The Amazons planning world domination is still my favorite thing tbh

-NICO DI ANGELO IS IN A BRIGHTLY COLORED TROPICAL SHIRT
THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

-PERSEUS JACKSON IF YOU COULD NOT GET POISIONED RIGHT NOW THAT'D BE GREAT

-Aannnnnnnddd Polybotes just got decapitated. Awesome!

-"Are you kidding me? I'm breathing in Dylan?"

JASON BABE I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BUT I JUST LAUGHED VERY LOUDLY

-PERCY JUST ADMITTED TO A SUICIDE ATTEMPT

-NICO YOU NEED TO EMBRACE YOUR INNER FETUS BECAUSE I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
(Also he was obsessed with Pirates awwwwww)

-I'M SORRY BUT HADES GAVE NICO A FRENCH ZOMBIE NAMED JULES-ALBERT TO BE HIS CHAUFFEUR AND THIS IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF INFORMATION I HAVE EVER RECIEVED

- Reyna baby awww

-AND HER COMES THE BRYCE FUCKER TO START SHIT

-Nico sweetheart please don't dissolve into nothing that could be problematic

-OH SHIT YOU GO NICO

-THEY'RE ALL EATING ICE CREAM AND BEING CUTE THIS CALM BEFORE THE STORM SHIT IS STRESSING ME OUT

-it broke Leo's feels.

I'M LITERALLY DONE HERE.

-Ayyyyy Apollo (Why wouldn't you send Percy to talk to Apollo. They have a bromance)

-Are Apollo and Artemis going through the 7th Grade emo phase right now

-The Valdezinator

-Leo, Jason and Piper are killing this thing with inspiration from their times playing Mario Party Six HELP ME

-YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I HAVE BEEN MENTALLY ENVISIONING JASON IN GLASSES SINCE DAY ONE AND NOW IT'S CANNON. BLESS. DREAMS DO COME TRUE. HE MUST LOOK SO HOT.

-TYSON TO THE RESCUE

-Oh shit the siege on CHB has started I need someone to hold me

-PERCY YOU DON'T JUST LET SNAKE MEN ON YOUR SHIP BECAUSE THEY HAVE CAKE

-"Like your zodiac sign?" Percy asked. "I'm a Leo."
"No, stupid," Leo said. "I'm a Leo. You're a Percy."

Oh my God.

-HELL YEAH PIPER MY BEAAUTIFUL CHEROKEE AMERICAN IDOL

-"And my dad's relatives...I haven't thought about them in years. I have an Uncle and cousin in Boston."
Percy looked shocked. "You, with the Yankees cap? You've got family in Red Sox country?"
Annabeth smiled weakly. "I never see them. My dad and my uncle don't get along. Some old rivalry. I don't know. It's stupid what keeps people apart."

MAGNUS CHASE I'VE GOT YOU YOU LITTLE FUCKER.

-PERCY FINALLY SAID I LOVE YOU TO ANNABETH AND I'M CRYING

-PERSEUS JACKSON AND ANNABETH CHASE HOW DARE YOU ACTUALLY ALLOW YOURSEVES TO GET CAPTURED BY THE FUCKING GIANTS THAT WANT TO SACRIFICE YOU

-SLAY, PIPER, SLAY.

-Piper's biggest advantages: she was small, she was quick, and she was absolutely insane.

MY INSPIRATION AND MY SPIRIT I BELIEVE IN YOU GIRL I'D FOLLOW YOU INTO NOTHINGNESS

-OH MOTHERFUCK GAEA IS AWAKE RETREAT RETREAT RE-FUCKING-TREAT

-SWEET JESUS LORD ALMIGHTY IS RICK ACTUALLY TRYING TO MAKE WILL SOLACE AND NICO A CANNON SHIP SEND HELP MY HEART ISN'T BEATING

-JESUS HE IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO MAKE THIS CANNON OH MY GOODNESS THERE IS A SHRIEK BUBBLING IN MY THROAT BUT I DON'T WANT TO SCARE M ROOMMATE UGH

-THE GODS ARE HERE

-MY KICK ASS BABIES

-REYNA AND PIPER ARE HAVING A BROMANCE

-OH MY GOD THE ROMANS ARE CALLING OUT ALL THESE ORGANIZED ATTACKS AND PERCY JUST YELLED "GREEKS! LET'S, UM, FIGHT STUFF!"

-from Festus's back, Leo blasted the goddess with flames of his own and hurled insults. "Pottly Sludge! Dirt Face! THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER, ESPERANZA VALDEZ!"

WOOO LEO YOU GO BABE

-LEO YOU ARE THE DEFINITION OF A BADASS MOTHER FUCKER AND I HAVE NEVER LOVED A CHARACTER THE WAY I LOVE YOU ALRIGHT

-Travis Stoll ran past, arguing with his brother. "What do you mean we set the land mines on the wrong hill?"

G U Y S

-OCTAVIAN IS FINALLY DEAD AND IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND MAGICAL DEATH BLESS EVERYTHING

-HEDGE AND MELLIE NAMED THE BABY CHUCK AWWWW

-Nico and Hazel continue to crush my soul with cuteness. Also FRANK IS GOING TO LIVE A LONG TIME

-Jason's glasses are still my fAVORITE THING

-JASON AND NICO ARE BROHUGGING

-NICO TOLD PERCY
N I C O  T O L D  P E R C Y
NICO TOLD PERCY

-ANNABETH HIGH FIVED HIM AFTER HE TOLD PERCY

-LEO BROUGHT HIMSELF BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE HE IS GENUINELY BETTER THAN EVERYONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE

-Leo whooped so loudly they probably heard him in China. "YEAH! WHO DIED? WHO CAME BACK? WHO'S YOUR FREAKIN' SUPERSIZED McSHIZZLE NOW, BABY? WOOOOOOOOO!"

I'm crying tears of joy help.

-LEO AND CALYPSO ARE REUNITED AND MY HEART IS GRINNING AND THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES HELP.

-OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDDDD I FINISHED IT

THAT WAS FUCKING PHENOMNENAL

T O M O R R O W

GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-------

-Piper wants the D

-Percy wore pajama pants and a bronze breastplate, which was an interesting fashion statement.

But even with the breastplate

He was still

shirtless.

-JASON BABE WHEN SPEAKING TO HERCULES RULE ONE IS TO NOT MENTION HERA ARE YOU KIDDING ME HERE CHILD

-Jason was trying to read the guidebook while they walked, so he kept running into trees and stumbling over rocks.

 No but I love this and I love Jason he's such a little dork xD

-Rick uses Books vs. Scrolls to tackle the Books vs. Ebooks debate...okay...

- "a b-book" Oh my God I'm so confused as to why he felt the need to address this xD

-Yes hello Ancient River god, could you please stop trying to force a 15 year old girl to marry you against her will?

-CHRYSAOR HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SCENE.
IT MESSED PERCY UP SO MUCH.
I REALLY HOPE HE RETURNS TO FUCK SHIT UP IN BOO

-"Medusa is your mom?" he asked. "Dude, that sucks for you."

PERCY.
PERSEUS JACKSON.
YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP NOW OR HE'LL DECAPITATE YOU SWEETHEART.

-"Behold!" Percy shouted. "The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"

Actual dialogue but I'm not sure this is an actual book.

-

 

ALERT: THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A REAL BOOK.

 

-"I know you," she said.

And you like me anyway? Percy wanted to ask, but he held it back.

 

Oh my heart was just ripped out of my chest. No big deal or anything. No but okay after all these years Percy's self-worth is even less than it was in the Lightning Thief and it's becoming a problem. I need this kid to like one thing about himself before I die.

(Of course he doesn't have any fucking chapters in Blood of Olympus so now we'll never know)

 

 

 

-That's when Leo made the mistake of simply being too good.

Sweetheart.

-Once he'd even reprogrammed the electronic billboards in Times Square to read: ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO...accidentally, of course.

E X C U S E  M E

-"What are we, kids?" Jason asked.
Hedge snorted. "Kids are baby goats. They're cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids."

CHOKING.

-Remember how Jason spent the first 15 years of his life not even knowing when his birthday is?

heh.
Heh.
HEH.
*sobs*

-He pleaded with those sea-green eyes, like a cute baby seal that needed help. Piper wondered how Annabeth ever one an argument with this guy.

#NeverForget No but I love how Percy doesn't think he's above pulling puppy dog eyes xD He does it all the time

-Percy gripped the satyr's arm. "Hazel and the others need you here. When they get back, they'll need your leadership. You're their rock."
"Yeah." Jason managed to keep a straight face. "Leo always says you're his rock."

JASON YOU LITTLE SHIT (I can't stop laughing)

-Remember when Jason drowned but Percy literally ripped the water out of his lungs and revived him

-THE WONDER BREAD IS SO COMPLETELY RANDOM OH MY GOD. JUST IMAGINE ROME BURNING TO THE GROUND AS SOMEONE JUST STANDS THERE AND THROWS PACKAGES OF WONDER BREAD AT EVERYONE.
LITERALLY WHAT EVEN

-Percy looked at his friends. "I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt."
"Combat time?" Piper gripped her horn of plenty.
"I hate Wonder bread." Jason said.
Together, they charged.

-PERCY AND JASON'S BROMANCE GOD BLESS

-Attack plan: Yell insults about ballet.

Sound's solid.

- NICO BABY

-ANNABABE YOU ARE MY FOREVER GIRL

-Percy tightened his grip on Annabeth's wrist. His face was gaunt, scrapped and bloody, his hair dusted with cobwebs, but when he locked eyes with her, she thought he had never looked more handsome.
"We're staying together," he promised. "You're not getting away from me. Never again."
Only then did she understand what would happen. A one-way trip. A very hard fall.
"As long as we're together," she said.
She heard Nico and Hazel still screaming for help. She saw the sunlight far, far above- maybe the last sunlight she would ever see.
Then Percy let go of his tiny ledge, and together, holding hands, he and Annabeth fell into the endless darkness.

Oh...It's not like I needed my heart in one piece or anything. Or my soul. Take that too, why don't you. It's not like I need to present myself as an emotionally stable person even though I'm dying on the inside. (Fun fact: When I first read this scene, it was also the first time in my life I've ever thrown a book across the room.)

- I finished, but I am not in one piece.

sOMEONE HELP ME

TODAY IS S U N D A Y
TOMORROW IS M O N D A Y
THE NEXT DAY IS T U E S D A Y AND BLOOD OF OLYMPUS WILL BE OUT
I CAN NOT HANDLE THIS.
TWO DAYS UNTIL EVERYTHING ENDS.
MY LIFE IS A DOWNWARD SPIRAL.


------------

- The aquarium scene actually breathes life into my soul though okay like everything about it is FLAWLESS

- Percy and Frank are trapped inside of a giant fish tank, and somewhere Poseidon is sighing heavily.

- PERCY DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE WATER OKAY I'M REALLY WORRIED THAT THAT'S FORESHADOWING

- Frank: *Turns into a gigantic goldfish*
Percy and Poseidon: * S I G H *

- COACH HEDGE TO THE RESCUE
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

-Hazel gets Black Pride and Jason gets uncomfortable. Bless

- THE CHINESE HANDCUFFS.

-"Well done, Frank Zhang," Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. "That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas."
 Is this book even real?

- BUFORD IS THE REAL STAR OF THIS BOOK LET'S BE REAL

-Grand buildings made her feel better- maybe because being in a place so permanent made her feel more permanent.

That....That just really hurt me omg

- FRANK ASKING ANNABETH FOR HELP BECAUSE HE TRUSTS PERCY AND PERCY TRUSTS ANNABETH I'M FANGIRLLING

-"Aphrodite," she said.
"Venus?" Hazel asked in amazement.
"Mom," Piper said, with no enthusiasm.
"Girls!" The goddess spread her arms like she wanted a group hug.
The three demigods did not oblige. Hazel backed into a palmetto tree.

Rejected.

-Very slowly, using only two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water.
Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't sat toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!"
Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to but it. He huffed in exasperation.
"You other two..." He pointed his blade at Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus-"
All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger.
"You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced.

*SQUEAL*

-Unpopular Opinion: Yes, what happened with the spiders was terrible for baby Annabeth. But I think she's been way too over dramatic about her stepmother. I can see it from her point of view at 7, but 12? 13? 14? 15? 16? Hell no. Her stepmother has literally done nothing wrong. It's just Annabeth being bratty. *fades into shadows to avoid being murdered by the Cult of Annabeth*

-Sammy held out his elbow like a gentleman, but Hazel pushed him away playfully. "Thanks for being there, Sammy."
"Miss Lamarr, I will always be there for you!" he said brightly.

I'm not crying. I'm not crying. I am not crying.

-"Hello, Hazel Levesque," he said, his voice gravelly.

I'm crying. I'm crying. I AM CRYING. I AM CRYING SO HARD.

-BLESS THE FISH CENTAURS

-Piper went a little crazy. She cried out in relief and dove straight into the water.
What was she thinking? She didn't take a rope or life vest or anything. But at the moment, she was just so happy that she paddled over to Leo and kissed him on the cheek, which kind of surprised him.
"Miss me?" Leo laughed.
Piper was suddenly furious. "Where were you? How are you guys alive?"
"Long story," he said. A picnic basket bobbed to the surface next to him. "Want a brownie?"

Literally the greatest omg

-"Incredible," Jason said. "These are really good brownies."
"That's your only comment?" Piper demanded.
He looked surprised. "What? I heard the story." Fish-centaurs. Merpeople. Letter of intro to the Tiber River god. Got it. But these brownies--"
"I know," Frank said, his mouth full. "Try them with Esther's peach preserves."
"That," Hazel said, "is incredibly disgusting."
"Pass me the jar, man," Jason said.
Hazel and Piper exchanged a look of total exasperation. Boys.
Percy, for his part, wanted to hear every detail of the aquatic camp. He kept coming back to one point: "They didn't want to meet me?"
"It wasn't that," Hazel said. "Just...undersea politics, I guess. The merpeople are territorial. The good news is they're taking care of that aquarium in Atlanta. And they'll help protect the Argo II as we cross the Atlantic."
Percy nodded absently. "But they didn't want to meet me?"

                   1) I want these fucking brownies I'm so hungry.
                   2) JASON AND FRANK ARE EMBODIMENTS OF MY SPIRIT
                   3) I love how Piper and Hazel literally have an Us vs. Them thing all the time.
                   4) PERCY SWEETHEART DON'T WORRY I'M SURE THE FISH CENTAURS WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU DON'T FEEL SAD PERCY YOU ARE VERY PRETTY I PROMISE

T H E M A R K O F A T H E N A

THREE DAYS LEFT HELP ME

Okay no though like I LOVE this. It's the first time all the heroes are together and they just click beautifully, it's so amazing to watch them figure out how to be friends and work together as a team. The story flows so well and just so much happens ugh yas let's get started
-----

-ANNABETH POV

-Remember how everyone was predicting a really sappy and romantic Percabeth reunion and then Annabeth literally judo flips him and threatens his life

_I have never seen Percy hate anyone as much as he hates Octavian omg

-Blowing up New Rome. Solid way to make peace.

-Jason tried to shield Piper, but a brick caught him above the eye.

THE BEGINING OF THE EPIC LOVE STORY.
#BRASON #TRULUV #THEGREATESTOTP





































SUCH LOVE. SUCH BEAUTY. YES. #OTP


-Awwww Leo wants Annabeth to trust him

- Echo hurts my heart...

-Remember when Rick Riordan made fun of his fans in the book....xD

-TEAM LEO
THE SUPER-SIZED MCSHIZZLE
MY BREATH HAS BEEN STOLEN
THIS CHILD IS SO IMPORTANT
(I think my roommate thinks I'm crazy right now but I can't stop laughing help)

-I want to know what happened on Percy, Annabeth and Frank's tar adventure

-PERCY AND JASON AT THE CHAIR

-John Green you have been CALLED OUT and I expect you to call Riordan right back in your next book.
(Also now forever imaging Jason growing up to make vlogs with Leo or something that usually entails him covering his face with sharpie or peanut butter and throwing himself into a wall to test if he's a squid)

-Piper and Jason walked back and forth along the deck. Jason was still wobbly, so Piper encouraged him to wrap his arm around her for support

Piper you sly lil' dog. I'm on to you  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-THE STABLE SCENE, BE STILL MY HEART.

Four Days Until Blood of Olympus. We can do this guys.

NOT BREATHING PROPERLY.


-------------

- Phineas tho

- E L L A

- PERCY JACKSON DAMMIT STOP BETTING YOUR LIFE AWAY
 (seriously though Blood of Olympus better have Percy suddenly realize that he's worth something and his friends love him. Or at least someone figuring out how he feels and starting to help him because AFTER TEN DAMN YEARS THIS BOY NEEDS TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT)

- I know Gaea's been trying to talk to all of them in their minds, but the fact that Percy actively responds worries me...

-I LOVE ELLA SO MUCH

-THE AMAZONS SCENE.
BLESS.

-So apparently RR believes that Amazon is plotting to take over the world and the male gender as a whole is completely doomed to become slaves to women...Probably true. I could get behind that.

-I'm slightly uncomfortable with the Amazons trying to explain their view of men to a 13 year old girl...

- Hazel thinks tablets are secret Amazon technology I'm gonna cry

- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS HAZEL

-Frank knew this hill.
"I'm practically home," he said. "My grandmother's house is right over there."
Hazel squinted. "How far?"
"Just over the river and through the woods."
Percy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?"

 Actual dialogue in an actual book and I'm actually dying of laughter. Halp.

-"What are these guys?" he whispered.
"Canadians," Percy said.
Frank leaned away from him. "Excuse me?"

 BUT THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND I WILL NEVER STOP LAUGHING. FOREVER IMAGINING FRANK LIKE:
 

-"But every hero has a fatal flaw. Percy Jackson? He's too loyal to his friends. He can't give them up, not for anything. He was told that, years ago. And someday soon, he's going to have to face a sacrifice that he can't make. Without you, Frank- without your sense of duty- he's going to fail. The whole war will go sideways, and Gaea will destroy the world."

AAAHAHSHSHDHAFHFHAHFWjszfjksxfjcjfhhaaAAAAJAHHHHHHH

I HAVE LITERALLY LOST SLEEP OVER THIS OKAY. UGH.

- Life Goals: Grandmother Zhang

-He's killing giant cannibals by throwing potatoes at them is this book even real

-Okay these things are giants but Frank keeps referring to them as ogres and now I have a mental image of Percy mowing down a million Shreks as the water system erupts and a whole group of shreks are chasing after the speeding car screeching "This is OUR swamp!!!"

-Hazel did something he wasn't expecting. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. It was a totally sisterly kiss. But she smiled with such affection, it warmed Percy right down to his feet.

 NO OKAY THEY HAVE SUCH A CUTE RELATIONSHIP AND THERE WAS BARELY ANY OF IT IN MARK OF ATHENA AND HOUSE OF HADES. RICK IT BETTER BE IN BLOOD OF OLYMPUS OR SO HELP ME

-TYSON MY PRECIOUS

- Seeing them like that made Percy happy. Those two definitely needed to get together.

#NoOneShipsFrazelLikePercyJackson #PercysFuckingOTP #IfGaeaMessesWithHisOTPHeGonnaMessHerUp

-Frank hovered over them, yelling, "Oh, gods! Oh, gods! Oh, gods!"
 He yanked some extra clothes from his bag and started toweling of Hazel's face, but it didn't do much good. He dragged Percy farther from the muskeg.
"You were down there so long!" Frank cried. "I didn't think- oh, gods, don't ever do something like that again!"
He wrapped Hazel in a bear hug.
"Can't---breathe," she choked out.
"Sorry!" Frank went back to toweling and fussing over them.

 TEAM. MOM.

- NOTHING HAS EVER UPSET ME MORE THAN HAZEL GOING TO THE WAREHOUSE SHE USED TO LIVE IN AND FINDING ALL HER DRAWINGS AND PICTURES STILL THERE.

THAT'S LITERALLY JUST FUCK CRUEL.

-YAS PERCY! THAT'S RIGHT, BABY, YOU MAKE THEM HURRICANES!

-"If I'm going to burn, it might as well be bright."

*clutches heart in pain*

-"As for you, Frank Zhang, it isn't your time, either. You've got a little fuel left to burn."

LITTLE???? *punches wall and sobs uncontrollably*

-"Welcome to Canada, idiot."

- Percy and Frank's bromance gives me life though. Like, you just KNOW Percy spends a massive amount of time telling people that Frank is "totally beast" while Frank just groans in embarrassment

-TYSON AND ELLA

- Dat battle tho

-YAAAASSS TERMINUS

-Remember that time Kinzie offered to become Percy's dominatrix

-Octavian can you NOT

-GIVE ME PERCABETH OR GIVE ME DEATH

-Annnnddd finished!

BLOOD OF OLYMPUS IN 5 DAYS/ SON OF NEPTUNE/ HEART PALPATATIONS

I CAN'T.

----------

- Friendly reminder that Hazel thought Percy was a god

- Nico di Angelo you are HURTING MY FEELINGS

- *whispers* Nico was one of the first people to go looking for Percy. Nico was determined to find Percy. Nico never gave up looking for Percy.....Just like Percy was when Annabeth went missing in Titan's Curse....

-and then Nico finds him but the little twat has amnesia

- Nico and Hazel make my soul ache send help

- Ugh Sammy nooo

- Pluto: Shows up on Hazel's 13th birthday and gives her some colored pencils and a pad of paper. Congratulates himself on being father of the year. Leaves and never returns.

  Hades: Literally helps raise Bianca and Nico. Does everything in his power to keep them safe from his brother's wrath. Freezes them in time so they'll be safe. Doesn't forget about them. Mourns Bianca's death but make sure she gets Elysium with her mother. Breaks a bunch of ancient laws and has Nico move in with him. Raises Nico. Gives Nico important jobs in the Underworld. Worries about Nico. Allows Nico to convince him to help his family. Confides secret powerful information with Nico. Acts like an actual parent with Nico.

.........


- OHMYGOD I LOVE THE DINNER/THE WAR GAMES SCENE UGH IT GIVES ME MANY EMOTIONS.

-DO YOU GUYS REALIZE THAT FRANK AND HAZEL ARE THE FIRST PEOPLE TO EVER ACCEPT PERCY AS A FRIEND RIGHT OFF THE BAT??? UGH MY HEART

-DON THE FAUN
BRING BACK DON THE FAUN
I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HIM BUT HE'S SO IMPORTANT OHMYGOD

- Octavian can you not

-He uncovered the boat, his hands working the knots like he'd been doing it his whole life. Under the tarp was an old steel rowboat with no oars. The boat had been painted dark blue at one point, but the hull was so crusted with tar and salt it looked like one massive nautical bruise. On the bow, the name Pax was still readable, lettered in gold. Painted eyes drooped sadly at water level, as if the boat were about to fall asleep. On board were two benches, some steel wool, and old cooler, and a mound of frayed rope with one end tied to the mooring. At the bottom of the boat, a plastic bag and two empty Coke cans floated in several inches of scummy water.
"Behold," Frank said. "The mighty Roman navy."

(I'm sorry but this is still the best line in the whole series omg crying)


-They sped by a pack of sea lions lounging on the docks, and she swore she saw an old homeless guy sitting among them. From across the water, the old man pointed a bony finger at Percy and mouthed something like Don't even think about it.

 I vividly remember first reading this part in the middle of a class and making a rather inhuman noise as I tried to hold in my laughter. Still so funny omg

- TEAM MOM FRANK ZHANG TO THE RESCUE WITH CRACKERS, NECTAR AND PRESCRIPTIONS OF GINGER

- No but you literally don't understand
Hazel was a tiny little 13 year old girl
And she literally sacrificed her life
This little tiny 13 year old girl drowned to death in oil and her body was crushed by rocks
UGH.

- Can we talk about how strategic Percy is being about trying to get Frank and Hazel together? He's on sneaky little shit. He is literally the ultimate shipper.

- Percy sweetheart can you please refrain from having a mental break down right now you are worrying your pseudo mother

BLOOD OF OLYMPUS IS IN SIX DAYS AND I'M JUST STARTING SON OF NEPTUNE

Son of Neptune. DAMMIT I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. Not only do we get Percy back, but he's grown up so much since we last saw him that it's amazing. And we are introduced to FRANK AND HAZEL. THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT. THEY ARE ADORABLE AND DEADLY AT THE SAME TIME. HAZEL AND FRANK COULD KILL YOU, WATCH THE BLOOD DRAIN FROM YOUR BODY, AND THEN MAKE FLOWER CROWNS AND HAVE A PICKNICK OVER YOUR FRESH GRAVE. Ugh, the team dynamic in this book is magical. I just love it. I love it so much. I need the three of them to be the golden trio again in Blood of Olympus.

Okay, let's start.
-----------

- Petition to never let Percy forget that he actually stole and destroyed a police car

- Jack in the Crack burrito

- Perseus Jackson I am on page five and I am already exasperated with you

- Beano. Percy, come on man

- I feel like one day someone is going to offer Percy some 'Crispy Cheese 'n' Weiners' and he's just going to burst into tears xD

-Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

 Now do you know how many damn people have probably put this on name tags? omg

- Percy is just making me feel like a nervous mother send help

-He put the platter behind his butt, said a silent prayer to whatever Roman god oversaw stupid sledding tricks, and jumped off the side of the hill.
PERSEUS JACKSON OUT OF ALL THE CRAZY SHIT YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH, OUT OF ALL THE STUPID STUNTS, THIS IS DEFINITELY IN THE TOP FIVE. CHILD YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MEMORIES WHY WOULD YOU JUMP OFF A CLIFF WITH NO MEMORIES ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME. IF IT WAS JUST A DAMN HILL I MIGHT ALLOW THIS BUT YOU SOAR OVER AN APPARTMENT BUILDING AND INTO HEAVY RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU SURRVIVED BUT I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF.

-Then he thought about Annabeth, the only part of hid old life he was sure about. He had to find her.

Deep breaths, Molly.
There are people in your room, Molly.
You can not start screaming and squealing like a crazed fan girl right now, Molly.
GET IT TOGETHER MOLLY.
CONCEAL, DON'T FEEL, DON'T LET THEM SEE.

-"House gods," Percy said. "Like...smaller than real gods, but larger than apartment gods?"

CHILD.

- Frank my darling come to me

-"First things first," Reyna said.
SHE'S THE REALIST

Quickly Finishing The Lost Hero even though BLOOD OF OLYMPUS IN SIX DAYS

*heavy breathing*

-(I've read the Wind God scene already so let me take a moment to freak out because HEDGE AND MELLIE OHMYGOD THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY SOON BUT I JUST WATCHED THEM MEET AGAIN SOMEONE HOLD ME

- This is the only time Aphrodite doesn't come off as an annoying giggly mass of glitter.
Why is this the only time.
I really like the Piper/Aphrodite scene dammit

- WAIT SHIT SHE JUST SAID MEDEA WILL COME BACK IF THAT BITCH MESSES THINGS UP IN BLOOD OF OLYMPUS SO HELP ME

- I'm sorry but I just aggressively don't care about Piper's father omg

- I love how Aphrodite dressed them for battle and told Piper she approves of Jason at the same time omg. This one needs no improvement. I AGREE WITH PIPER HOT DAMN JASON IS BAE

-"Climb the mountain.," Hedge said. "Kill everything except Piper's dad. Leave."
"Thank you, General Eisenhower." Jason grumbled

- I'm so sorry but the earthborn keep shouting vroom vroom and I just
Get out me car

-"Don't die on me," she ordered. "You are not dying on me."
"Yes, ma'am." He felt light-headed, but she was about the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her hair was smoldering. Her face was smudged with soot. She had a cut on her arm, her dress was torn, and she was missing a boot. Beautiful.

*squeals to death*

- His mom's voice echoed in his head: Nothing is unfixable.
Except the fact that you're gone forever, Leo thought.

Rip my heart out, why don't you?

-Anyone else imagine Porphyrion as the green giant guy? Like...

Ho-Ho-Ho....I am Porphyrion, king of the giants, son of Gaea. In olden times, I rose from Tartarus, the abyss of my father, to challenge the gods. To start the war, I stole Zeus's queen...I was created to be Zeus's replacement, born to destroy the lord of the sky. I shall take his throne. I shall take his wife- or, if she will not have me, I will let the earth consume her life force. What you see before you, child, is only my weakened form. I will grow stronger by the hour, until I am invincible. But I am already quite capable of smashing you into a grease spot!

Now... EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING VEGETABLES, YOU PUNY HUMAN SCUM.

 

 

-"I'm the son of Jupiter!" he shouted, and just for effect, he summoned the winds, rising a few feet off the ground. "I'm a child of Rome, consul to demigods, praetor of the First Legion...I slew the Trojan sea monster, I toppled the black throne of Kronos, and destroyed the Titan Krios with my own hands. And now I'm going to destroy you, Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves."

 

'Jason is so useless.' 'Jason can't do anything except get head injuries.' 'Jason is just trying so hard to be Percy.' 'Jason can't do anything right.' 'Jason is the weakest of the seven.' 'Jason is a douchbag.'  'Jason thinks he's so strong when he's never done anything.' 'I hate Jason Grace.'

'Jason---'

*Holds up hand to stop you* *clears throat* http://youtu.be/WrjwaqZfjIY

 

- MAYDAY MAYDAY RED ALERT I HAVE REACHED THE PART WHEN JASON DIES AND PIPER USES HER CHARMSPEAK TO CONVINCE HIM TO COME BACK THROUGH THE DOORS OF DEATH. JASON IS A RETURNED SPIRIT. IT'S GOING TO BE IMPORTANT IN BLOOD OF OLYMPUS. YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE HE FORGETS ABOUT IT HELP. JASON.

 

-At the commons area, she found Jason relaxing on a bench, a basketball between his feet.

UH OH.

PERCY 'BALL IS LIFE' JACKSON

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A CALLOUT.

YOU BETTER RUN, TROY BOLTON.

 

 

-Jason spun his basketball. YOU BEST BE BRINGING YOUR A-GAME, JACKSON.

WILL HE BE THE CHAD TO YOUR TROY? YOUR SOPHEMORE REPLACEMENT? OR WILL HE OVER THROW YOU WHEN YOU AUDITION FOR THE SCHOOL MUSICAL?

I DON'T KNOW, PERCY, YOU BETTER BE WORRIED.

 

(ps- Is thid what people mean when they say Jason is trying to be Percy? xD)

 

-Annnnnnddddd finished! Ugh I love this book.

DAY 13- THE LOST HERO

gUYS.

ONE WEEK. 7 DAYS UNTIL THE BLOOD OF OLYMPUS.

I CAN'T

(Also I'm pretty sure someone accidentally confirmed who dies in it for me and I'm about to kill myself tbh)

Anyway, back to Lost Hero.  (BTW I'm at the beginning of the Medea Scene now holla)

---------

- WAIT I WAS NOT LIVE BLOGGING DURING THE CYCLOPS SCENE BUT WE ALL NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE PIPER'S REACTION TO FINDING OUT THALIA WAS JASON'S SISTER BECAUSE IT WAS WONDERFUL.

ALSO LEO'S BADASSERY WAS TOP NOTCH YOU GO KID I'M PROUD OF YOU.


- Hey, remember when Leo mentioned he's slept in filthy sewers and it was completely glossed over?
heh.
Heh.
HEH.
*bursts into tears*

- I would very much like Chef Leo to cook for me though his food sounds unrealistically awesome

- The Jasiper sexual tension though

- I love how Leo is always so careful with Piper's vegetarian-ism it's so cut THEY ARE MY BROTP

- I LOVE  how Piper just falls asleep on Jason without thinking about it and Jason is just like "OH GOD WHAT NO I MUST NOT GET A BONER"

and Leo's just sitting there, like: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- "And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell, 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!'"
No but now I'm imagining Leo falling off a building while doing his Frank Zhang impersonation....

- Jason sweetheart if you get turned on by the way a girl breathes in her sleep then maybe you should stop denying your feelings.

- Ugh why does Medea's store have to be so pretty

-Why do I love the Medea scene so much even though Rick was unable to separate Medea and Medusa into two separate people?

- LEO AND JASON IF YOU COULD NOT TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW I WOULD BE VERY GRATEFUL

-LEO TALKING TO HEPHAESTUS IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER THOUGH LIKE APART FROM THE FACT THAT IT'S KINDA SWEET IT'S JUST SO FUN TO IMAGINE THIS TINY LITTLE LEO SASSING THIS HUGE GOD AND I JUST

- A moment of silence for Festus, please.

- Coach Hedge grunted. "Fine. But if you need me..." He winked at Jason meaningfully. Then he pointed at himself, pointed two fingers at their hosts, and sliced a finger across his throat. Very subtle sign language.
"Yeah, thanks," Jason said.
#NEVERFORGET

- The coach snorted. "The kid's being modest. You should've seen him. Hi-yah! Slice! Boom with the lightning!"
"Coach, you didn't even see it," Jason said. "You were outside eating the lawn."
But the satyr was just warming up. "Then I came in with my club, and we dominated that room. Afterward, I told him, 'Kid, I'm proud of you! If you could just work on your upper body strength-'"
"Coach," said Jason.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up, please."
"Sure." The coach sat down at the fire and started chewing his cudgel.
#ALSONEVERFORGET Omg I just love Coach Hedge so much help.

-Jason cursed and dropped his sword. He crouched like he was ready to go hand-to-hand (with the wolves)
No but friendly reminder that Jason was literally raised by wolves??? Jason was literally a feral child. All those stories about Wolf Boy- Jason. Jason can literally understand wolf language. He can fight like a wolf. He has a wolf glare that scares the shit out of people. Apart from the fact this seems fairly messed up for what the author considers a children's series, how exactly did a feral child grow up to be a civilized and well mannered little dork who walks into trees while reading and get's embarrassed by the fact he's attracted to his girlfriend and includes please and thank you in every sentence.

-THALIA 'TREE BITCH' GRACE HAS ARRIVED MOFOS

- Sometimes, it's all "Aww Jason and Leo's bromance is so cute".
Other times...It's not even a bromance. These two definitely have massive crushes on each other.
Halp.

DAY 12- THE LOST HERO

OH MY GOD BLOOD OF OLYMPUS COMES OUT IN 8 DAYS I HAVE 8 DAYS TO READ THESE FOUR GIANT ASS BOOKS SHIIIIIIITTTTTTT


So, anyway, The Lost Hero. The saving grace that got me through ninth grade (Trust me, that was one of the worst years of my life.). Introduced to a whole new plot and three new awesome characters. Piper, who manages to be every teenage girl ever without being obnoxious about it. Leo, probably the most important child to ever come into existence. And Jason, the eternal bae.

Let's get started.

-------------

- "Even before he got electrocuted, Jason was having a rotten day." Babe <3

- GLEESON HEDGE IS A NATIONAL TREASURE RICK BETTER NOT KILL HIM OKAY I KNOW HE'S A HIGH RISK CHARACTER UGH

-"He unclipped the megaphone from his belt and continued giving directions, but his voice came out like Darth Vader's. The kids cracked up. The coach tried again, but this time the megaphone blared: "The cow says moo!"
The kids howled, and the coach slammed down the megaphone. "Valdez!"
Piper stifled a laugh. "My god, Leo. How did you do that?"
Leo slipped a tiny Phillips head screwdriver from his sleeve. "I'm a special boy."

LEO VALDEZ EXCUSE ME BUT NO I NEED A BETTER EXPLANATION HERE SWEETHEART

-"The new guy had dark hair cut superman style, a deep tan, and teeth so white they should've come with their own warning label: DO NOT STARE DIRECTLY AT TEETH. PERMANENT BLINDNESS MAY OCCUR. He wore a Dallas Cowboys jersey, Western jeans and boots, and he smiled like he was God's gift to juvenile delinquent girls everywhere. Jason hated him instantly.
"Go away, Dylan." Piper grumbled.

Wait no but loose the football jock getup and dress him as Hipster Trash and Rick just described my friend Dylan mayday mayday why is Dylan in this book.

- Bless Riordan for not pretending that 15 year olds aren't racist as fuck

- "Her boyfriend. This guy called Percy Jackson."
 That moment when everyone squealed loudly only to have their hearts drop within the same second...

- LEO IS LITERALLY JUST THE MOST IMPORTANT CHILD TO EXIST UGH

-"This may be the last time I can speak with you." Hera you contact him like 12 more times in this book smh

- I think I really, truly belong in the Hypnos cabin guys

-"Your mind wasn't wiped, and your memories weren't buried. They've been stolen."
 I'm so sorry but every time I read that I just immediately think of is the first scene in the Lightning Thief movie where Zeus looks at Poseidon dramatically and goes in his weird British accent "It's been stolen"  http://youtu.be/xko1Mx5w4tg  (go to the 1:20 mark on the video yo) BUT ANYWAY I ALWAYS THINK OF THAT AND IT WORKS SO WELL BECAUSE JASON IS HIS SON OKAY BYE

-"I mean, these days, Zeus likes tailored suits, reality television, and that Chinese food place on East Twenty-eighth Street, right?"
Is there actually a Chinese place on East Twenty-eighth Street?
Can someone find it?
Can someone find it and just do something ridiculous there?
I don't even know or care what; Someone just do this please.

- Remember when Jason spent the longest 30 seconds of his life praying that turning into a tree isn't a normal puberty-like occurrence for children of Zeus?

- *whispers* There's a strong part of me that wants to ship Piper's half brother Mitchell with Nico for no actual apparent reason.... *Fades into the shadows*

- I would ABSOLUTELY ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon!

- Oh my God just the way that Leo's tone has completely changed from Lost Hero to House of Hades, he just grew up so much MY BABY'S GOTTEN SO BIG NOW OHMYGOD THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I CAN'T

- Damn right Piper's gonna flirt her way to Boreas. Werk it gurl.

Slight Announcment

YO okay so I finished BotL on a train and TLO on the train ride back...And my laptop is a lil' bitch so I couldn't do a live blog. And now I've got school work and all that jazz, so I'll do synopsis/reviews later or something?? Idk. College is real. I'll start Lost Hero tomorrow. Peace.

DAY 8- BATTLE OF THE LABYRINTH

Missed day 7 sorrynotsorry. Anyway, Battle of the Labyrinth. I'm not sure why, but the first time I read this book I wasn't really impressed. Ever since I started rereading it? It's the literary definition of BAD ASS. Damn this is a great book! Alright, let's go!

- Okay I'm sorry but the dedication page is really cute I cry

- I'ght I know Percy goes to "Goode" high school, but how the hell do you pronounce Goode?

- "It's not a date!" I protested. "It's just Annabeth, Mom. Jeez!"
 "She's coming all the way from camp to meet you."
 "Well, yeah."
 "You're going to the movies."
 "Yeah."
 "Just the two of you."
 "Mom!"
*clutches heart and tries to stop laughing* *fails* *dies*

- I REALLY LOVE PAUL BLOFIS OKAY

- Battle of the Labyrinth. Also known as " Percy discovers the wonders of sexual attraction to girls and spends the entire book trying to not get a boner."  * "Bitch of Living" plays on full blast *

The Titan's Curse Synopsis and Review!

MY EMOTIONS THO.


Anyway, where we last left off, our young fetus had watched his dead cousin become resurrected from a tree. Cool story, bro.
 So, this book picks up the winter immediately after the last one. Percy (who needs his mother to drive him into battle) picks up Thalia (The Tree Bitch) and Annababe and they embark on a long car ride to Maine. Their friend, the Bad Ass Ninja Goat, Grover, sent them a message saying he found two new demigods.

They get to the school. Percy immediately tries to pretend he's not a total screaming mama's boy to affirm his masculinity or something. Then, he tries to play 20 questions with Thalia and she almost kills him. Friendship. Anyway, they get inside and are immediately caught by some creepy ass vice principal with a French accent, and some lady who isn't important to the plot at all. Thalia snaps her fingers and is all "I-control-the-mist-do-as-I-say", and it works to some extant; The VP is confused but doesn't totally believe them (LOL because if Hazel was there they'd have absolutely no problems whatsoever. #BetterWithTheMist.) Grover shows up, leads them to the gym, and points out the two demigods.

Bianca and Nico di Angelo. URGH.

So Tree Bitch is like "You we gotta act natural so Imma dance with the goat" and Grover's like "No you ain't gonna dance with me I did not request Jesse McCartney's 'Beautiful Soul' for yOU, YOU IGNORANT CHILD." And Tree Bitch is like "Lolz too bad" and drags him away as he yells about how creepy this is when you consider he's in his 30's.

So, this leaves Percy and Annababe some time to chat and catch up. Annababe goes on and on about her school's architecture class. Percy stares at her while she talks, thinking something along the lines of  'Dear gods holy shit she's beautiful she's the most beautiful thing to exist I mean I always knew we were soul mates but I just saw her like 3 months ago and she looked like a normal human being but now she has transcended that she is gorgeous she is legit I would let this woman murder me slowly and deliberately just because the last thing I would ever see are her eyes I mean it's kinda terrifying that she's taller than me but I literally need to father this woman's children ohmyGod her beauty is beyond compare Annababe shall I compare thee to a summers day for the sun is in the east and Annababe is in the west #IthinkThatsHowItGoes oh goodness look at the way the strobe light shines in her beautiful blonde curls and look how delicately she pulls the scarf off her neck oH MY GOD ARE THOSE BOObS??? Yes sweet score! I finally understand what a girl is yas yas yas I am Percy and I am liking this yaaaassss Annababe wait fuck why is she staring at me pleas tell me I'm not erect plese no oh wait she's waiting for commentary on her school fuck fuck shit uhh'

"I'm really glad you're happy with your school!" OH DAMN RIGHT BOYS LOOK AT THAT SMILE I AM PERCY AND I AM WINNING THIS GAME.

The two young love birds then decide to dance. As the are swirling through the dance floor, laughing and smiling and falling in love with each other, when something becomes clear: The di Angelo's are missing. They done fucked up.

Annababe runs to tell Grover and Tree Bitch. Percy looses her in the crowd, then catches a glimpse of the creepy VP dragging the kids out of the room and makes the split decision to take after them. He finds them further down the hallway, but right after being all "Hey, there, I'm here to save you" Percy gets shot in the shoulder because he is an idiot. The monstrous VP has now captured all three of them and leads outside, toward a cliff where they'll apparently be picked up.
 
 Bianca is all "explain yo self" and Nico is all scared and Percy is trying to use the power of his no-homo-bromance-love to get Grover's help. Finally, the reach a cliff a few stories over the sea and Percy is like "Wow you know I could probs jump this" but then realizes the di Angelo's would probably die.

Bianca and Percy try to keep the creeper talking. "Luke." Percy says. "You're working for Hot Luke."
 
The VP sneers "He's not so hot anymore"

Percy gasps "You can't mean-"

"He lost the rights to the futuristic song FANCY, yes."

Bianca is so fucking confused at this point. She looks at Percy like "Get us out of here" and Percy is like "Yo just trust me and jump off the cliff"

Bianca now understands that she's going to die tonight.

Just then, an invisible force shoves the three to the ground. Annababe! Tree Bitch Thalia charges out with her spear and shield ready, and Grover plays some badass Bon Jovi tunes on the reed pipes to get the plants to attack. But then, the VP assumes his final form and starts blasting poison arrows at errrrrybody. The teens gasped in horror at the monster that stood before them.

He was a Man-Bear-Pig.

The monster continued the attack when suddenly (#magnuschase) a group of teenage girls just appeared out of nowhere for plot convinence.

They moved in to kill the beast with their arrows, but Annababe had jumped on the Man-Bear-Pig's back and the two tumbled off the cliff. Percy tried to run after her, but the leader of the Hunters, the goddess Artemis, told him she wasn't down there because the Man-Bear-Pig had used magic to escape. Annababe had been captured.

Percy literally felt his heart shatter into billions upon billions of pieces.

The Hunters set up camp. Artemis had requested Bianca speak with her, leaving Percy to try to entertain Nico while Grover fixed his shoulder. Nico, who was obsessed with Greek Pokémon or some shit (and thought that Percy had the dreamiest eyes) asked a lot of questions. Percy, still heartbroken over the loss of Annababe, wasn't really feeling the 20 questions game. However, before he could murder the kid, he heard a familiar tune start to play....Fancy! Percy turned in surprise and mild horror, to find a beautiful girl strutting towards him. The Lieutenant of the Hunters. Zoe (The Queen) Nightshade herself. She looked Percy over like the piece of trash he is and then escorted him to Artemis, who wanted to talk to him.

He explained everything that happened to Artemis (there was a lot to explain be real I'm not exactly giving you a play by play here). Artemis realized that an ancient monster who could destroy the gods was reborn, and she must hunt it. She called her brother Apollo to drive everyone to camp while she left.

Meanwhile, Bianca di Angelo had decided to join the hunters. Yeah, you heard right. She decided to abandon her baby brother, the only family she has, to go shoot arrows with a bunch of preteen girls.
Bitch.

So anyway, Apollo gets there and he recites some poems and is like "yoo everyone into the sun chariot party hard" except he makes a vital mistake of letting tHALIA DRIVE AND THIS GIRL LITERALLY SETS ALL OF NEW ENGLAND OF FIRE IT IS LITERALLY SUCH A PROBLEM AND PERCY WAS HAVING A TOTAL PANIC ATTACK AND APOLLO JUST WOULD NOT TAKE THE WHEEL LIKE DAMN. They eventually crashed into the lake at Camp Half Blood.

Percy immediately pisses off and almost gets murdered by Mr. D, only to be saved via the distraction of Nico geeking out. A few days pass, and the camp and the Hunters engage in a "friendly" Capture the Flag game. It somehow ends up with Percy and Thalia trying to murder each other, but they're saved from death when the Oracle (which, btw, is a freaking mummy of a woman who died in the 1960's) walks herself out of the attic, into the woods, and marches straight up to Zoe Nightshade. The Queen asks the Oracle for the prophecy, and day-um she delievers. Let me just say that there had never been character death in this series before, but the prophecy flat out says that two of the people who go to find Artemis (and Annababe) will die. Fun times, yeah.

So, they put together a team to go out. They need five, and the dream team consists of Zoe, Bianca, Thalia, Grover and...Phoebe? Who the ever living fuck is Phoebe?

They won't let Percy go. His heart shatters more. He kept having dreams of his Annababe suffering, holding up something heavy, but there was nothing he could do to help her. He decides to Iris Message Mama Sally for comfort but Woah shit damn she be putting the moves on some sexy male in the apartment that is not what Percy needed to see right now Mama noooo. However, Sally notices him before he can disconnect, and manages to distract the male friend with her ta-tas. Percy explains his predicament to her and she's like "Well just go anyway."
And he's like "Mom that's against the rules."
And she's like "Perseus Alberta Jackson that girl is my future daughter in law you need to save her immediately."
"But, mom-"
" I WANT GRANDCHILDREN, DAMMIT."
Sally ended the call.

Percy is then interrupted by his pet Pegasus, Blackjack, who is the only black Pegasus around and just happens to speak in a ghetto way. Blackjack insists Percy come rescue this weird cow snake sea creature thing. Percy, being Percy, helps the creature and names it Bessie.

Percy starts to head back to his cabin, but stops so he can ease drop on Nico ease dropping on his sister and Zoe. Apparently, Phoebe is now unable to go on the quest, so Zoe is making the executive decision to leave immediately with just the four. They break off. Nico moves to follow them, but Percy won't let him because he's too young. Nico figures out that Percy had already been planning on sneaking along, and promises he won't tell Horse Ass if Percy promises to keep Bianca safe on the quest. Percy reluctantly agrees.

He hops on Blackjack and follows the team in the camp van. He has a mini altercation with Mr. D, but that's more important for character/relationship development and not so much plot, so I won't go into it. The van makes a stop at D.C. and Percy tells Blackjack to head home because he feels bad about making the poor Pegasus fly so much. Percy now realizes he's, like, stranded in D.C.

He suddenly sees the Man-Bear-Pig heading into a building, and he's all oh hot damn that must mean something. He follows, and watches as the creature talks to the man addressed as The General. They talk about how the Man-Bear-Pig brought the wrong demigod, but No-Longer-Hot Luke manages to convince them to keep Annababe alive until the Winter Solstice. Then, they try to grow those skeleton soldiers from Jason and the Argonauts? But they fuck up and grow kITTENS. WHICH IS IMPORTANT LIKE SIX BOOKS FROM NOW. Anyway they manage to correct themselves and get the skeletons grown. One of them manages to rip Percy's shirt and now they're all intent on killing him.

He runs into the Smithsonian Air and Space to warn his friends. Then, just because, The Neman Lion freaking shows up to kill everybody. Grover protects the humans, Zoe, Bianca and Thalia distract the creature while Percy comes up with a very unique plan. He manages to shoot space food into it's mouth! While the creature gags on the shit, the hunters manage to shoot in it's mouth (It's only vulnerable spot). The lion is dead, but it's coat is a spoil of war so it stays. Zoe insists that since Percy came up with the plan to kill it, he should keep it. Percy picks it up and the mist changes its form to a floor length fur duster. Percy slides it on, and a light glows. Percy has achieved his new form.  HE HAS BECOME THE MACKLEMORE.

The Super Friends escape the museum but soon realize their car is being followed (by a fucking helicopter but whatever). After ditching the car and taking like 20 different subways, they end up huddled around a fire with a homeless dude. The homeless dude smiles at them mysteriously and is like "Ayyyyy y'all need a ride west you best hop on that train" and then vANISHES WITH THE FIRE. So they get on the train and they all crash in some cars that are inside. Percy and Thalia talk about Luke for a bit, but then Thalia gets mad and demands he get away from her. Percy and Grover are sharing a Lamborghini, when Grover passes out first. Suddenly, the homeless man from earlier appears. It's Apollo, but he insists that Percy call him Fred. He tells Percy about how dreams are important and all that jazz, and puts him to sleep. 

Percy has a dream in which he is a hero in Ancient Times. Zoe Nightshade is trying to help this to-be-named-unless-you-know-mythology hero sneak past a dragon and to trick her father. The guy basically acts like a sexist dick, but Zoe says she loves him and doesn't want him hurt. She gives him a hairpin that grows into a sword. When Percy wakes up he realizes it was his sword, riptide.

The train stopped in one of those obnoxious you-are-useless-why-bother-to-exist towns with like a population of 15 people who are all super into incest. Grover and Zoe go to scavenge for food, Thalia tries to find them a ride,  so that leave Percy and Bianca alone to talk. Percy realizes how super cray it is that Bianca will be 12 forever. Bianca tries to explain her decision to leave Nico, and tries to justify herself, but like nah she's a selfish brat.

Anyway, there's this weird gust of wind and Grover passes out and starts mumbling about Pan. Rubber rats and paper birds come to life, it gets pretty cray-cray. Then, the freaking skeleton warriors are back. Percy let's his new found Macklemore ego take over, and immediately gets shot. Everyone thinks he's dead...And yet, the power of the Thrift Shop coat pulled through! Bianca manages to kill one of the skeletons but doesn't know how she did it.

Then, this mother fucking pig showed up.

And it's not like cute little Piglet on his way to visit Pooh and Tigger, this thing is the size of a fraking elephant. And it just swipes those damn skeletons away like they're nothing. So it goes to attack our A-Team, but Grover's all like "guys hot damn do not kill this beautiful lil bitch this is a gift from Pan we must ride it west oh yes it's a gift from Pan can't you tell how turned on I am right now"

So they end up riding it until it drops them off in like, a desert with a junkyard, and takes off. The kiddos chill around the camp fire for a bit. Queen Zoe stargazes and talks about how much she misses the ones lost to light pollution. Then, everyone manages to figure out that Bianca and Nico have been in the LOTUS HOTEL AND CASIONO FOR THE PAST SEVENTY YEARS (I'll admit I totally forget how the convo started whoops).

Then a limo pulls up and Ares gets out and almost beheads Percy (casual.)

He forces Perce inside where Aphrodite is waiting to talk to him. She essentially is like "You love Annabeth, admit it."  and gives him advice and promises to make sure his love life is anything but boring. Percy sits there wallowing in awkwardness and heartache mostly. He gets out of the car and Ares is like "Your sword will fail you in battle someday soon lol bye"

The team then has to walk through the Junkyard of the Gods. They aren't allowed to take anything. Seems simple, right? Except they get to the end only to be attacked by a giant killer robot because someone took something. Who was it? Fucking Bianca.

They tried to fight the monster but nothing was working. Percy realized that if he could get inside, he could mess with the controls, but Bianca goes instead and doesn't let him argue. Good news: Plan worked. Bad news: Bianca is dead as hell.

Congratulations, boys and girls, we've made it to the first actual death in the series!

Anyway, the group, now heartbroken over loosing Bianca, hops in a van and travels west. The car breaks down at a river, and Percy leaves an " I O U 2 CANOES" note (an oath to keep to the final breath?) and off they go. Percy asks Zoe about the hero in the dream. She won't say his name because she promised herself she would never utter it again. She does, however, say that he is where her hatred of men stems from.

They end up at the Hoover Dam. Spout some architectural facts. Make some jokes. While the others head off to the Dam Snack Bar, Percy speaks to freaking Bessie, who somehow appeared there. Then, of course, the skeletons show up. Percy runs through the turbines, gets some advice from Athena, and accidentally almost kills a mortal girl who can see through the Mist. The Redheaded Nightmare, Rachel Elizabeth Dare herself. She saves Percy from the skeletons, but he has to take off before he can explain anything to her. He finally gets to his friends, and Grover starts a food fight as a distraction. Then there's this thing with giant angel statues, and they manage to escape on them. Woooo!

So the angels get them to San Fran, then take off to go party and sleep with some marble ladies in the art museum. Percy has to dress like a hobo and jump fish Santa Clause in order to find out where this monster is.

Plot twist: Bessie is the monster!

Zoe explains that there is power in killing innocence. Whoever kills Bessie has the power to overthrow Olympus. Just then, the freaking Man-Bear-Pig shows up and says that's exactly what they plan to make Thalia do. He then spends a few moments to explain his backstory that literally no one cares about, but just as the guards are about to kill everyone and capture Thalia, Mr. D comes to the rescue and drives them crazy. Grover hops on Bessie to get her safely to camp. Percy sacrifices his Macklemore powers in order to make sure they get there safely. Percy, Zoe, and Thalia head on.

They stop at Annababe's fathers house to get a car (and apparently no one thought to tell this poor guy his daughter was missing I mean damn) and drive to Mount Tam where the Titan Base is. Zoe gets them into the garden and tries to hold off the dragon Ladon while Percy and Thalia head up to where Atlas holds the sky (Well at the moment Artemis was holding it, she took it from Annababe who took it from Luke, now shush..). Zoe gets scratched by the dragons poisoned claws but she powers through because QUEEN. They get to the top, to find Annababe tied and gagged, with Luke and Atlas mocking Artemis as she holds the sky. Some shit talking goes down, and a fight breaks out.

Everything is going all fine and dandy until Ares curse is enacted and he can't use his sword. He immediately sees a new plan of action, however, and slides under the sky and takes its weight from Artemis. The battle continues, but Percy is going crazy from the pain of holding it by himself. Atlas lands a nasty hit on Zoe and sends her crashing into rocks (my heart) Artemis manages to trick him and he ends up under the sky again. Percy rolls out before he can escape.

After a brief confrontation, Thalia shoves Luke off the cliff and he falls to his supposed death 50 feet below. His army starts to attack, but Annababe's dad flies in in a freaking airplane and shoots them dead. Artemis flies them to a field where they lie Zoe to rest.

The Queen is dying; It wasn't just the poison, but also the blow from her father. She apologizes to Thalia for ever fighting with her. She tells Percy he is nothing like Hercules and he's a great man (see: whoops I broke my oath and fell in love with you.). She can finally see the stars as she takes her last breath. Artemis dissolves her body and sends it to the sky, forming a new constellation of Zoe running across with her bow at the ready. She now lives in the stars forever (excuse me, but I'm still sobbing)

They get to Olympus. There's a vote on whether or not to kill Percy and Thalia, but it ends up working in their favor. Thalia joins the Hunters and takes Zoe's place as Lieutenant. There's a huge party, and Percy gets all ready to tell Annababe his feelings for her, but then Athena comes and murders his confidence. The two end up just dancing instead.

They get back to camp and Percy is horrified to learn that he has to be the one to tell Nico that Bianca died. The kid obviously doesn't take the news well, freaks out, and runs off after Percy realizes that he's the son of Hades. They can't find Nico, but Percy promises to find him and keep him safe from Luke. Grover then gets a sign from Pan that says I await you, and the story comes to an end!

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Okay no but like Titan's Curse is one of my favorites. I just love the plot, the set up, the developments, the characters, the flow of the story- everything! Like I literally don't know where to start or how to pinpoint why I love it so much. It's just, like, one of those books man! It gets to me! Everything about it was completely flawless! It's been one of my favorites for 6 years now, and it's obviously not going anywhere. So read it or reread it or whatever! Titan's Curse is just a great story that needs to be told! Solid A+